


I Don't Hate You, I Can't Hate You

by rkt3357



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Airplanes, F/M, Love Confessions, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 20:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12116967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rkt3357/pseuds/rkt3357
Summary: Luke is sick on the jet and Penelope helps him.





	I Don't Hate You, I Can't Hate You

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy! I'm so excited for the show to start back up! Just 10 days!

Penelope is a light sleeper, there is no argument about it. From her always thinking brain, to the never ending phone calls of her nightmares, sleep is a mastery for her. Except when she’s utterly exhausted, then she’d have to be woken up by someone, or the alarm clock she bought to be especially loud. So, when she’s on the jet one night, with all of her family, she can’t help but stir when someone brushes past her, and she can’t help but open her eyes when she hears a light gagging noise from the bathroom adjacent to her. Rubbing her eyes, as the time was only 3:02 in the morning, she slowly awoke, stretching her arms as she did so. Scanning the room, she finally put two and two together, noticing that Luke was the missing culprit. Dammit. 

He was the one in the bathroom, doing what she thought he was. Just the thought of it made her gag. She hates throwing up more than anything, but she loves everyone on that plane, more than her fear, so like a good friend, she’d help each and every one of them. But why did it have to be Luke?

She didn’t care about him any less than the others, actually, she wouldn’t admit it but she probably cared about him in a different way. She didn’t see him as a brother and it bothered the living shit out of her. So, cautiously, she made her way to the bathroom door, and heard gagging once more. Knocking on the door quietly enough to not wake the others, she spoke, “Luke… are you okay?” 

“Uhh,” she could hear panting, “Yeah—,” His statement got cut off by another round of more violent heaves, followed by the sound of vomit hitting the toilet bowl. From instinct, she grabbed the door knob to the bathroom and found that it was unlocked, opened the door, and saw him for the first time since she fell asleep.

His flustered face was the first thing she noticed, followed by the fact that he was sweating and his face was 12 shades lighter than she knew it to be. His curls were glistening with moisture, and downright a mess. His shirt was unbuttoned so his neck wouldn’t be restrained, but it didn’t do much to help. His eyes were tired, and when her eyes met his, she forgot about all the feelings that she had before she walked into the bathroom. “I’m so tired.” He whispered, leaning back to sit against the back wall, and her heart broke for him. Slowly, she walked into the tiny room, and held both hands out for him, so she could help him up, and right as he was about to stand, his stomach betrayed him again. Leaning over the toilet, he retched once more, his arms and hands shaking as he gripped the toilet bowl. Penelope kneeled down to meet his body, and rub his back, hoping that it would make him feel a little more comfortable than he was at the moment. After a few moments, he finally paused, taking a short breather as his stomach calmed, not even angry in the least bit because he knew that if he got angry his stomach would too. Breathing in a slow, heavy sigh, he closed his eyes, and leaned back against the wall for the umpteenth time. 

“Are you okay?” Her voice was laced with concern and pity.

“Mhh,” his sleepy eyes rolled to face her’s and his head tilted in the slightest direction, “I’ll be fine, I think I maybe ate something bad.” 

“Are you sure… I haven't seen you eat anything today.” She wanted to be as gentle as possible because she knew how he felt.

“I don’t know, maybe?” His breathing began to slow down as he calmed in her presence, the urge to puke slowly fading away for now.

She reached out to feel his forehead, and with a tender touch, she felt his forehead first, then traveling to his cheeks, eventually confirming he had a fever.

“You have a fever, Newbie.”

“Yeah?” His head was drifting to her shoulder, as his eyes began to involuntarily get heavy. Yawning, his head met her shoulder in the gentlest way possible. Looking down at such a ‘tough guy,’ she’d never imagined someone like this could be so vulnerable. But that’s what made her crazy for him, the fact that he was one of the sweetest men she’d ever met, but also one of the toughest and strongest… besides Derek, of course. But it was different with him. And she can’t figure our exactly why. She couldn’t put her finger on it. When she was with him she got all nervous and anxious, worried that one of her snappy remarks hurts him more than intended. She wants to be with him all the time, and she wants his attention. She hates herself for that.

“Luke,” She whispered softly into his ear, making it tickle in the slightest way, “Do you want to go lay down?”

Lazily, his eyes opened and nodded his head, sick of how cold the floor was, as his body was starting to form goosebumps. She got up before him, as it took him just a little longer to catch his balance and actually stand up. He followed her to her seat, along with the one beside hers and took a seat next to her, making sure to not make a lot of noise.

“Are you cold?” She sat down, pulling three blankets from below her feet.

“A little, yeah.” Two blankets were immediately placed on his lap, and she proceeded to unfold them to fit the size of his body. He tried to help her as much as possible, but he found that as his body was coming down from the high of puking, he started to get cold, and as he got cold, his body started to ache more and more, making him exhausted.

“Do you want some medicine?” He’s never seen her act this way towards him, and it wasn’t making him necessarily uncomfortable, but confused, and out of place, almost.

“No thanks, I think I’ll just try to sleep it off.” He got settled in his blanket, holding the ends of the softness in his palms, and wrapping his arms around himself so the blanket was secure on his body.

“Okay.” Her voice squeaked it was so quiet. The awkward silence finally settled in as before they were so preoccupied. Now, they knew neither person was sleeping, and there had to be something to say. Penelope was taken by surprise, when he interrupted her frantic thoughts with such a loaded question.

“Why do you hate me so much?” His head bobbed to the side so he could see her, as he asked the infamous question in a deep, raspy voice.

“What?” Her high voice asked with a whisper, like she had no idea what he was asking and she didn’t hear him.  
“Why do you hate me?” He asked once more, quietly.

She looked at him, opening her mouth to answer his question, and closing it again, not sure what to say. She gathered her thoughts looking down at her hands, and opened her mouth to say what she wanted to say for months, but was too scared to. “I don’t hate you.”

He was surprised again. Expecting to hear something witty and unimportant, he creased his eyebrows when the words flowed out of her mouth like butter. “Are you just saying that because I’m sick or do you really mean it?” He’d never been this insecure of himself with a woman, and after years of being confident, he finally broke, but he realized that it was okay because it was her. Whether she ended up reciprocating the feelings he had for her or not, he wasn’t mad because what an extraordinary person she is.

“I don’t hate you.” She said like it was the only thing she could. “I can’t hate you. And that makes me crazy.” She paused. “It makes me crazy that I like you when I’m not supposed to. I don’t want to say love because that scares the hell out of me, but I definitely more than like you. Last time I felt like this I got my heart broken, and I made a promise to myself to never fall for someone so fast. I’m breaking my own fucking promises that I made to myself, but I can’t stop and I don’t know what to do… so I act like I hate you. Because if I try to act civil, I’ll make a fool of myself, and I know that you don’t feel the same way.” She finally looked up, so see him playing with his fingernails, looking at the rigidness of each separate nail. Silence enveloped them like a cold hug, and things got even more awkward than before. “Luke?” Damn she was getting nervous when he didn’t answer. “Are you going to answer?” Still to no avail, she let out a deep sigh of regret. You’re so fucking stupid Penelope, this is what happens when you let people like him in. There is no way he has feelings for you. “I forgot… you’re a profiler, you already know how I feel about you, you just wanted me to make a fool of myse-.” 

“I love you too.” He looked up to see her with tears in her eyes. “And, I swear to god I didn’t know that you felt like that, and I’m scared too.” He reaches slowly with a shaking hand to hold hers, and she wonders why he’s the one comforting her, because he’s the sick one. “I don’t know what it is about you, but when I’m around you or think about you I can’t straight. It’s like a brick wall of emotion, and even though out banter is innocent, I can’t tell if I say something wrong or rude, or if I hurt your feelings. When it comes to you, I forget everything, and I can’t profile you no matter how hard I try. So I didn’t know if you hated me, and I was so scared that you actually did, because all I wanted was for you to like me back.” 

She let out the breath that she didn’t know she was holding, closed her eyes, silently thanking God, and squeezed his hand. “What now?”

“Sleep. We’re both so tired, we’ll talk later.”

“Okay.” They both drifted off within seconds, not knowing that both of them had the slightest smile on his or her face, or that both of their dreams wouldn’t be plagued with nightmares, like they often were.


End file.
